（怀利，城市边界）
（耶稣拯救世人）
（这是一个真实故事）
（德州怀利）
（１９８０年６月１３日，星期五）
不…
No...
（愿荣耀归于圣父）
（圣子）
（与…）
（两年前）
（圣灵）
（始初如此）
（１９７８年９月）
（现今如此，后来亦如此）
（永无穷尽，阿们）
（阿们）
（始初如此）
（现今如此，后来亦如此）
（永无穷尽）
我很好，你今天好吗？
我很好，很高兴见到妳
派特，我发誓你越唱越好听了
Pat, I swear, your voice just seems to get better and better.
你确定你没上过 茱莉亚音乐学院之类的吗？
You sure you didn't go to Juilliard or something?
我小时候倒是有个朋友叫「茱莉」
Well, I did use to have a friend named Julie when I was a kid
我们会去她家的「院子」玩
and we did play in her yard.
有时候还会唱歌♥
Sometimes we would sing.
天啊，派翠克蒙哥马利
Oh, my God.
Patrick Montgomery, I swear
我发誓如果奥♥运♥有冷笑话项目的话
if there was an Olympic competition for dorky jokes
我老公就是金牌得主
I'd be married to a gold medalist.
你的歌♥声真的有进步
Your voice has gotten better.
那我呢？我的歌♥声像小燕子一样悦耳
Well, how about me? I sing like a swallow.
不需要那麽好胜
No need to get competitive.
人生就是一场竞赛
Life is a competition, don't they say?
俗话不是这麽说的吗？ 妳不是常这麽说吗，贾姬牧师？
Don't you like to say that, Pastor Jackie?
从来没有
Never.
我连想都没想过
I don't believe I ever even thought it.
我们都该这麽想
Well, we should all be thinking about it
如果我们真的想赢得 教会排球联盟大赛的话
if we're serious about winning the church volleyball league.
或许可以考虑让公理会的教友参加
And maybe we should consider opening our doors to the Congregationalists.
唐奥瑞身高六呎五吋，扣球时超狠
Don Awrey is 6'5" and spikes like a madman.
He is great.
－他很厉害 －我跟一个公理会教友交往过
Well, you know, I dated a Congregationalist once
他坚持停车前要先祷告
and he insisted on praying before going car parking.
等等，不对，他是圣公会的
No, wait! No, he's Episcopalian!
你呢，唐恩？
What about you, Don?
－你会加入吗？ －排球不适合我
Are you ever gonna join the team?
- Volleyball's not my thing. - Not enough mayhem.
不够暴♥力♥ 他比较喜欢凶狠一点的运动。所以他才投身法律界
He gravitates towards viciousness. That's why he went into law.
你不是打过职业美式足球吗？
Didn't you play professional football?
－华盛顿红人队 －对
For the Washington Redskins. - Yes.
不，我试过，没入选。直到今天他还是很难过
Nah, I tried out. I didn't make the team.And it kills him to this day.
我要去拿些马铃薯沙拉
I'm gonna go get some potato salad.
我跟你比赛
I'll race you.
我们真的该走了
We should really get going soon
因为根据图表 我今天下午一点的受孕机率最高
because the chart says that
I'm going to reach peak fertility around 1.00pm today, so...
－所以… －好
Oh, right.
慢一点
Little bit slower.
再慢一点
Little bit slower.
一定要在往前挺的时候射 这样应该会有帮助。真的吗？
And be sure to emit as you propulse forward.- Evidently, that's helpful. - Really?
来，试着更深入一点
Here. Try to go deeper. - I'm going as deep as I can, Betty.
－我只能这麽深了，贝蒂 －不，你以前能更深
No, you have been deeper before.
如果你能用喷的而不是用滴的 那也有帮助
If you can squirt rather than drip, that helps, too.
慢一点
But slower.
深一点
Deeper.
快喷
And squirt.
（哈利路亚）
（来唱首歌♥）
（哈利路亚）
（我们跟着唱）
－继续，亲爱的，妳唱得很好 －我一定要唱吗？
Keep going, honey. You're doing great.Do I have to sing it?
对
Yes.
如果妳想 继续让妳的心充满喜乐的话就要
If you wanna keep filling that sweet little heart of yours up
with joy.
妳好，是妳啊
Hey... - Hey...
－进来吧 －好
Come in. - All right.
是什麽风把妳吹来了？
And why do I have the pleasure
我最爱的牧师竟然登门拜访？
of a house call from my favorite pastor?
这个嘛…
Well...
恐怕不是什麽好事
It's not exactly pleasure, I'm afraid, and...
我可能不再是妳最爱的牧师了
I might stop being your favorite pastor.
怎麽了？
What's going on?
比尔走了
Bill's gone.
他想离婚
He wants a divorce.
已经很久了
It's been coming for a long time.
我知道你们有些问题
I know that you've been struggling some.
亲爱的，唱大声点
Sweetie, sing louder.
（用简单的一句话）
（简单的一个字）
很好
That's good.
妳会撑过去的。我会拖着妳撑过去
You will get through this. I will drag you through this.
－我承认我很害怕 －怕什麽？
I'm scared. I'll admit it. - What about?
首先，我要怎麽领导教会？
For starters, how will I lead the congregation?
妳会一如既往地带领我们
You're gonna lead us the same as you always have.
在结婚２３年后恢复单身
And being single after 23 years of marriage.
我甚至不确定自己是否知道 该怎麽踏出下一步
I'm not sure I even know how to put one foot in front of the other.
所以妳只需要把这看成是…全新的开始
So you just need to look at this as a new beginning.
全新的…
A new destiny.
命运
Fate.
这不公平。这是我的工作，贝蒂
It's not fair. - It's my job, Betty.
这份新工作的重点 就是你不必四处奔波
The whole point of that new job was that you wouldn't have to travel.
没有以前频繁
As much. And I don't.
我没有一直这样。夫妻分隔两地并不正常
Well, it's not normal for a husband and wife to be apart.
我的意思是这样
That's all I'm saying.
对，但只是分开四天而已
Right, but we're talking about four days here.
是受孕高峰期间。很关键的四天
Four critical days during peak fertility.
医生不是说如果妳压力小一点
Didn't the doctors say that you might get pregnant easier
可能会比较容易怀孕吗？
if you stress less?
所以是我的错
So it's my fault. - I didn't say that.
－我没那麽说 －你有 －我没有 －你有
Of course you did. You did. - No, I didn't.
你有没有想过 是你四处奔波才造成我的压力？
And you might consider that
it's your traveling that's causing my stress.
（永乐之主）
（赐下光明满我心）
好
Okay.
是这样的，我们的牧师贾姬
So, the thing is, Jackie, our minister
她不只是因为教会的事出城去了
she's not just out of town on church business.
她今天刻意选择不出席
She chose not to be here today.
由于我是教会执事会的成员
Because I'm on the church council
她觉得由我来告诉大家会比较好
she felt it better that I break the news first.
贾姬和她丈夫比尔要离婚了
Jackie and her husband Bill are getting a divorce.
这种事常有
It happens.
别大惊小怪
Get over it.
牧师跟大家一样都是人
Pastors are people like everybody else.
我看得出来你们有些人坐立难安
I see some of you squirming in your seats
好像屁♥股♥突然被塞了松果一样
like you suddenly got pine cones up your butts.
我告诉你 如果你们的屁♥股♥被塞了松果
Well, I tell you, if you ever did get a pine cone up your keister
你们会像猪一样尖叫
you'd be squealing like a pig.
而贾姬庞德会是第一个跑来救你的人
And Jackie Ponder would be the first one running to your aid.
所以让我们向她伸出援手
So let's run to hers.
现在不是当个自命清高的 道德魔人的时候
Not the time to be high-horse, moral dopes.
我们就当个卫理公会的好教♥徒♥吧
Let's just get on with being good Methodists.
我们今晚可以先在排球赛上 给信义会的人好看
We can start tonight
by kicking some Lutheran butts at volleyball.
我来
I got it!
做得好，路卡斯
Well done, Lucas.
贝蒂，妳好
Betty, hey. Hi.
我以为妳今晚会上场
Thought you'd be playing tonight.
我这次不参加
Sitting this one out.
我懂了，对
Understood.
Yeah.
很合理
Makes sense. - I got it!
什麽很合理？
What makes sense? - What?
－什麽？ －你说我不参加这场比赛很合理
My sitting this game out makes sense.
－为什麽？ －如果妳怀孕了
Why does it make sense? - Well, if you are expecting
当然会避免任何激烈的身体活动
it makes sense that you'd steer clear of any intense physical activity.
你为什麽会觉得我怀孕了？
What makes you think I'm expecting?